Don’t Take Your 2020 Problems Out On the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree

2 min readNov 16, 2020

Good lord.

I just got here.

Can you give me a minute to spruce up?

Over the last 24 hours, Twitter has been ablaze with people deciding to have a go at me for no reason.

Getting their aggressions out about a year gone bad on little ‘ol me… a tree from upstate New York hired to be the famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree.

Aren’t you kind. Do you talk to your friends like that?

Actually with words like that, you might not have many friends.

Look… I JUST GOT HERE. I traveled nearly 200 miles on the back of a flat bed truck.

I bet you look fabulous the moment you get up from the middle seat on a long Spirit Airlines flight.

No one is camera ready the moment they wake up.

When you’re getting ready for your big wedding day, do a bunch of strangers barge into your room, look at you before you’re all decked out in your overpriced wedding attire and say “Ugh you look just like the absolutely awful year I’m having!”

When you wake up in the morning, do people post photos of you with your bed head and tell you how you need some yoga and a face mask before you walk out the door?

Don’t you love it when your partner tells you what they REALLY think about how you look before you’re “decent” for the day?

Then why do you think it’s okay to do it to a total stranger spruce?


I’ve lived a nice, quiet life in a little town in upstate New York for longer than you’ve been alive. I’ve seen and heard more things in my lifetime that would make a weeks worth of drama in Page Six look like amateur hour.

Give me a few weeks to get spruced up.

In total New York fashion, I’ll be having some work done. The best New Yorkers get it done.

I’m currently under construction.

Come back on December 2nd.

You’ll enjoy the show.

And eat your words.

Thank you.

Oh, and wear your mask.




The world’s most famous Christmas tree. The original social influencer. Freelance fir available for weddings and bar mitzvahs. PARODY. twitter: @30rocktree